Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Perhaps the final one

My lack of recent posting is mostly due to lack of time. But I think this blog has come to an end. My hope that other people would post their experience and insights hasn't come about. I'm dissappointed about that, but nevertheless I hope that something I have written will help someone.

My story isn't over of course, and perhaps it is unfair to end with the negativity of the last entry. Over the past few months I have moved from grief to confusion -- though perhaps confusion is just another stage of grief. I no longer feel so weighed down or tearful or angry. But what dominates my thoughts now is doubt and worry. As I wrote earlier, "I am really lost. I don’t know where I am or where I am heading, and I have lost track of where North is." I have lost the clarity I used to have about who I am. I worry about my children.

It's unlikely that I'll post any more here, though I'll keep the site active and will read any comments you make. I welcome any email, which you can send to the address you'll find somewhere else on this site.



  1. Nat,

    Firstly, thank you for creating this blog. There are many like you who are angry, devastated, confused, lost after the rejection of their spouse. Like me, some of them have searched the internet and come across your blog. I'm confident that most, like me, have found comfort in your honest portrayal of your emotional journey this past year.

    Secondly, what you have chosen to do here is relatively unique. Even those of us with the capacity and desire to write, find it much easier to retreat and wallow in our pain. There would be others simply too shy to share their emotions to the world, especially to the detail you have chosen.

    Thirdly, from my personal experience it is extremely rare for websites/blogs to grow simply on merit. Ultimately, if it is your goal for this blog to grow to become a useful resource to fellow separated fathers, it will take a concerted effort on your part to add materials, links, resources, etc that increase the blog's general appeal. My two cents worth...

    Lastly, I suggest that if the main purpose of this blog was to assist you in processing the myriad of intense emotions that result from a separation, that you continue to write....and we will continue to stop by and read what's happening in your life. Yet, if your primary goal was to create an online community of blogging separated fathers, then it is easy to understand your reluctance to continue and my advice is that you focus on your children and your emotional healing.

    I'm 5 months into my awful ordeal. Thank you for being there that first night I was alone in an empty house...


  2. Nat,

    I haven't read all of your posts yet as I just came across this site tonight. I have been separated for 2 months now and I didn't know what rock bottom was until this happened to me. We are in similar boats and what you have went through so far is what a I am going through or yet to go through. I hope that you will continue to post. Your helping more than you can imagine for the rest of us who are going through this. BMS explained it perfectly.

  3. Thankyou to both previous posters. It sounds as though both of you know exactly what I have been writing about and if anything I have written has helped, then I am very pleased. Maybe I wrote this in a post somewhere, but it bears repeating -- I have watched several friends go through divorce over the years but have significantly underestimated how painful that journey is. I wish I had supported them more.

    I hope both of you have close friends with whom you can share honestly. If not, I would feel priveleged if you want to correspond with me.


    1. Dear Nat - I'm sitting up searching the net all night because I am so worried about my brother. He is 57 and his wife of 30 years left him last month saying he had done nothing wrong but that she wanted "more out of life". He is absolutely devastated. I was deeply moved by what you have written on your site. Thank you. I will follow up on "Iron John" to see if it might be helpful to my brother John. I tried to email you as well but it said something about "not properly installed". So I am hoping you will read this and reply. Maybe I could put you and John in touch online? I hope you are in a better place in your life since you last posted, and would like to know how you are getting on and continue to follow your story.

    2. I'm so sorry not to have seen this earlier, but I very rarely check this site now. The email address clerk.nat.whilk@gmail.com still works and your brother is welcome to write to me.


  4. Nat,
    I too have been helped by your blog. I am continuing in my journey with separation and loss while still living in same house. I will miss reading your posts. It was nice to know I am not the only man going through this and trying to come to terms with the end of a 25 year relationship.I guess since there is no "rhyme or reason" to falling in love then I should not expect logic or rational thinking to play a part in the dissolution of this marriage.
    Best wishes to you and again thank you for all your past postings. They say if you have helped one person in life, you have done well. You have helped me and many other men.

    Best wishes with your future and stay strong.

    PS: Tried to connect with e-mail but my computer is old, dying and could not set this up.

  5. know how you felt im there now