Still pondering what I wrote a couple of weeks ago about monogamy. Can anyone tell me what value there is in sexual restraint once the opportunity for a lifelong partnership has been lost?
It seems to me that a large chunk of my reason for being chaste is no longer relevant. Once upon a time I thought my sexual desire would be uniquely expressed with one person; discovered and explored and nurtured and enjoyed and cherished in one contented and sacred relationship. Now I’d rather be chased than chaste :^)
I spent an annoyingly sleepless night wondering what it would be like to spoil myself with a high-class escort: a long night with a professional who knows how to please and able to act as though she enjoyed it. “Spoil myself” of course has a double meaning. It would seem a luxury, a treat. But would it taint or damage me? It doesn’t seem to me that it would – I am already “damaged goods” so to speak. The thought that such an indulgence would cost $3,000 or more is perhaps all that protects me from that option at the moment.
If I met someone else and we decided to marry, would it make a difference if I had numerous previous sexual partners? I think it makes a big difference the first time around – being a virgin allows that first relationship to be unique in the total giving of one’s body to the other. But now? Would either I or my imagined future partner be concerned if there had been 2 or 3 or 10 before?